Grief Resources

These are my top 3 children's books about grief.  Kids who experience loss appreciate a book that helps them understand their feelings and how to move on without their love one being physically present. I like  wordens-four-tasks-of-mourning/ especially the idea that they can come in any order. Grief is unique, not only to the person, but also to each loss. I remember working with three children in one family who lost their mom to cancer. Each child handled the loss differently and needed different types of support. The one thing they had in common was they did find reading about loss helped them process their own grief. I loaned their dad one of our Family Resource Packs and they kept it for 1-1/2 years. He said the kids kept going back and reading the books so he did not return it until they said they did not need the books anymore. I wish I had had these 3 in the pack back then, but I am glad to have them available now for the next child that is grieving. I always encourage families to consider making a memory box so I was very glad when The Memory Box was published and we added it to the counseling resources.

Grief Resources

This beautifully illustrated book can be used to discuss separation, anxiety, grief and loss. It uses nature as a way to connect with our love ones. The web site has a guided discussion plan to use with PreK to grade 2 children sunkissesmoonhugs There are also suggested art activities to use with the book. This could be used by a teacher at the beginning of the school year. The author and illustrator have collaborated on two other books you might want to check out.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month

September is National Suicide Prevention Awareness Month—a time to share resources and stories in an effort to shed light on this highly taboo and stigmatized topic. We use this month to reach out to those affected by suicide, raise awareness and connect individuals with suicidal ideation to treatment services. It is also important to ensure that individuals, friends and families have access to the resources they need to discuss suicide prevention. nami/Suicide-Prevention-Awareness-Month

While the number of deaths by suicide in younger children is statistically small, the number of attempts in students ages 10 to 14 has increased dramatically over the last few years, especially for girls. And even if they haven’t made an attempt, there are children in every school who are thinking about suicide sptsusa.org/elementary-school  We need to think about suicide as an attempt to solve a problem of intense emotional pain with impaired skills. As counselors we need to have productive way to have a conversation about suicide with any aged student. Never assume just because a person is young that they will not attempt suicide. If a student is talking about wanting to die to a risk assessment and consult with another mental health provider. ALWAYS notify parents and document the notification even if you don't believe there is an imminent threat. Continue to take threats seriously: Follow through is important even after the child calms down or informs you or the parent "they didn't mean it." Avoid assuming behavior is simply attention seeking (but at the same time avoid reinforcing suicide threats; e.g., by allowing the student who has threatened suicide to avoid or get something to make them feel better).

Suicide is the tenth leading cause of death overall so many children and families are impacted by suicide. Using "suicide death" or" death by suicide" is more helpful than saying "successful suicide" or "committed suicide." Often times family members will not tell the child that it was a suicide death. I don't think this is helpful and further adds to the stigma and shame. People bereaved by suicide often experience complicated bereavement. There can be many other feelings in addition to grief including shock, social isolation, anger and guilt. The often sudden and sometimes unexpected nature of the death can also be extremely traumatic for those who lived with or knew the person. 

There are more resources at save.org/ but these are geared toward older students. Suicide prevention programs are becoming more common in secondary schools because of the increasing number of suicide attempts. I am not aware of any aimed at elementary learners. However, it is important to get information in the hands of staff and parents about the warning signs of suicide and always #BeThe1ToAsk. That is basic mental health first aide.  

Book on Grief

This book is perfect for sharing with a child after the loss of a parent or grandparent.  It expresses through words and pictures when someone a child loves is gone.  It is a sad book but ends with a message of hope and coping. I also recommend Jeffers book Stuck.

People in My World

This is one of my favorite group activities to get students to talk about the important people in their lives.  The original author lianalowenstein.com suggests specific symbols for people who are close as well as people who have caused hurt or upset.  My students like to use dots and various stickers.  The students always place those people they love the most on the center. It always promotes rich discussion as they share about people in their lives with the group.  These are the plates of students in my grief group.  All of them placed their deceased family member in the center.  It is good for them to see how many people they have that provide them support along with a few people they find challenging.

Grief Encourage Lines of Communication

Students who have lost a loved one often try to protect the other members of their family from the painful questions they think will be too upsetting to ask.  All the children I have worked with eventually state their biggest fear is "other people dying too."  They need the reassurance of the surviving family members to say "While everyone does die, I plan to take good care of myself and be here for a very long time."  If it is a parent that has died they need to know "If something were to happen to me, there will always be someone to take care of you."  I have never worked with a child who wants to start this conversation.  I frequently have asked the parent to deliberately bring it up.  All children worry about death at sometime, but those who are grieving may be worrying about it a lot. When I say, "Have you asked mom/dad what would happen or told them you have this worry?" they always say "No, it would make them too sad."  I always recommend to parents to find time to talk about the child's feelings and worries even knowing they probably won't share everything.  Parents can say "If I was your age I'd be wondering what would happen to me if ..." or "I notice you seem much more scared at night, I am wondering what I can do to make you feel safer" For more good ideas check out dougy.org/grief-resources/

7 out of 10 teachers have a student in their classroom who is grieving

Grief needs our attention. As counselors we need resources to support staff, parents, and students.
For children, I highly recommend grief camps. These range from one day camps which are perfect for younger students pointofhope to comfortzonecamp weekend camps for 7-17 year olds. There are many organizations that run grief camps including the wendtcenter. Many of these camps are free but they fill up very quickly. If you have a family that may benefit, I encourage you to share the resources soon (for camps in summer 2015).

Grief in School

Today several of our staff will attend the funeral of the parent of a student whose parent died last week. The student has been in school every day so it is very important that staff know how to treat this grieving child and his friends. I wanted to share some resources and comments in case you are faced with a similar situation.  With the help of the room parents we put together a caring basket for this student with a teddy bear, and small electronic toy, a book, cards and some gift cards.  The surviving parent came in yesterday morning to thank me for this gesture. Please read this excellent article from npr.org/grieving-in-the-classroom It also mentions the new Coalition to Support Grieving Students website grievingstudents.scholastic.com/.
The article does a good job of describing the life long impact of a profound loss on children.  For example, I got a message from a parent of a fifth grader whose spouse died when the student was in grade 3.  The student got ill yesterday and we have a new clinic aide who did not know the child only had one parent.  The aide said, "You have a fever I am going to call your ____."  At that point the student lost it! Our computer system is up-to-date saying this child has only one parent but this new employee was not sensitive enough to be accurate.  I welcome any comments about how you support grieving students in your school.

Grief Resources

There really are not that many good resources to help families dealing with the death a of a parent.  Most of the books that are out are old.  This is one that I would recommend even though it was published in 2001.

Grief in Children

The Copper Tree Class is a series of books following the lives of a small group of children and the lives of those around them. The creators, Hilary Robinson and Mandy Stanley, have addressed critical topics and themes that affect small children, such as bereavement, and interwoven those strands into accessible and charming picture books. http://thecoppertree.org/ The Copper Tree is my favorite of the books.  It is a beautiful book about the death of a teacher.  Another resource for grief is the website Cove Center for Grieving Children.