Students who have lost a loved one often try to protect the other members of their family from the painful questions they think will be too upsetting to ask. All the children I have worked with eventually state their biggest fear is "other people dying too." They need the reassurance of the surviving family members to say "While everyone does die, I plan to take good care of myself and be here for a very long time." If it is a parent that has died they need to know "If something were to happen to me, there will always be someone to take care of you." I have never worked with a child who wants to start this conversation. I frequently have asked the parent to deliberately bring it up. All children worry about death at sometime, but those who are grieving may be worrying about it a lot. When I say, "Have you asked mom/dad what would happen or told them you have this worry?" they always say "No, it would make them too sad." I always recommend to parents to find time to talk about the child's feelings and worries even knowing they probably won't share everything. Parents can say "If I was your age I'd be wondering what would happen to me if ..." or "I notice you seem much more scared at night, I am wondering what I can do to make you feel safer" For more good ideas check out dougy.org/grief-resources/
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