Family Resource Packs

About ten years ago I attended a session at the Virginia School Counselor Association Annual Conference by an elementary counselor who took duplicate and donated books on some common topics and created Parent Packs that were like a folder with two books. She tried to find one book for parents and one book for children.  I brought that idea back and expanded upon it to include a binder with an overview of the topic, lists of books, websites/bogs, and later added Apps and other resources like DVDs to some of the Pack. We try to include a couple of books for children (spreading them out usually by developmental level or variations of the issue).  We have found tote bags work well to contain the binders and books. The packs used to hand on racks in my office but they took up valuable space and the weight of the books frequently weakened the bags. Now they are in 6 large tubs in our Teachers Lounge. Each pack contains a simple evaluation form for parents and another one for the child to complete before the pack is returned. The packs are checked out by the counselor and generally returned to the front office. They are signed out in a book and if they don't come back in 3 weeks we send an email. Parents LOVE these packs and sometimes end up ordering the books so they can keep them. Many families have borrowed 3 or more of the packs. They save the counselors lots of time sharing information and resources about topics we encounter in parent consultation.  This year we created 11 new packs including ones on Grief (Suicide), ASD - high functioning, and Gender Identity. We also add new books on topics as we find ones that are more up to date or helpful.

Resources for Gender Identity

Gender identity is how someone describes their own gender. Generally this is one’s sense of being male or female, but gender identity and expression are fluid and intricate, with many variations. To learn more go to bstigmafree.org Although it's not really known how many children identify as transgender, advocates surmise some are now more likely to "come out" and transition at younger ages than in years past because of greater public awareness of the issue. There are also transgender teachers and parents so counselors need resources for this issue. These resources are primarily for children and parents but counselors may increase their own sense of how to support children regarding gender identity from The Gender Identity Workbook for Kids: A Guide to Exploring Who You Are and The Conscious Parent's Guide to Gender Identity: A Mindful Approach to Embracing Your Child's Authentic Self (The Conscious Parent's Guides)  The picture books support teaching children about the fluidity of gender and the importance of acceptance. Also check out genderspectrum.org

ADHD Resources

As school counselors we work with children with ADHD every day. We do lots of consulting with parents of children with ADHD helping them know what to do and supporting them in doing it. I admit I am biased in favor of Mindfulness but research shows it is an effective intervention for ADHD. Bertin's book points out that mindfulness aims to build various traits that make the ups and downs of life easier to handle Mindfulness can help both the parents and child manage ADHD. Mindfulness can give both the child and parents skills in coping with the stress that surrounds ADHD. This book is written in an easy to read style with examples and steps to follow. I will be sharing this book with families. I also always encourage parents to check out 

chadd.org/fact-sheets-on-adhd and join the local chapter and attend their support group meetings.

Book about Depression

More than 350 million people of all ages in the world suffer from depressions. About 5% of children suffer from depression. Those who experience loss, have learning or conduct issues, and those with anxiety are at higher risk. 

Meh is wordless picture book about depression that gives a lot of freedom to readers to reflect, project, and interpret how they best see and understand the story. Especially poignant is how the cat is open to interpretation as to what may be helping the boy get out of his depression — and creates an important opportunity for a person to imagine what help would look like for them.  Meh also includes questions that can guide the reader through the story.

This book is applicable to many levels of grief, sadness, and depression for both those suffering directly or indirectly from it.   This book gives strength, hope, empathy, and understanding in a very approachable graphic-novel/picture book format. The publisher thunderstoneMeh_Activity-book offers a free booklet of activities to be used in conjunction with this book to help ease feelings of worry and sadness. I include a copy of this book in the Family Resource Pack I loan families who ask for my help with a child who has been diagnosed as depressed or has a close family member with depression.

Coping Skills

If you run groups for kids with emotion regulation difficulties this might be a good workbook for your collection. Janine Halloran, a mental health counselor, has organized coping skills in to 4 categories: calming, distraction, physical, and processing. For each category she offers close to 20 techniques to explore. Kids need a variety of coping skills because different types of coping skills will work at different times, in different places, and for different stressors. For example, the goal of the calming exercises is to get from "flight, fight or freeze mode" back to the "rest and digest" mode. She offers many fun types of breathing and grounding activities.  The sills in this workbook are very familiar but they are well organized and explained in a clear manner.T he book concludes with a suggestion for writing coping skills cards. I have pulled several exercises from this book for my groups and a few to send home to families to practice.

Resource for Exploring Gender Identity

Kelly Stork, a clinical social worker, has written a new workbook for the valuable Instant Help Books series for Parents and Kids. Transgender and gender-nonconforming (TGNC) children need validation and support on their journey toward self-discovery. Unfortunately, due to stigma and misinformation, these kids can be especially vulnerable to bullying, discrimination, and even mental health issues such as anxiety or depression. The good news is that there are steps parents and counselors can take to empower children as they explore, understand, and affirm their gender identity. This important workbook will guide both parents and children and is an important resource for counselors to have on hand for families to learn about gender.
Learn more about Instant Help Books from New Harbinger Publications newharbinger.com/instant-help When you register your book you get downloadable worksheets and access to instructional videos an audio files.

Resource for Parents of Anxious or Angry Kids

This is a new workbook for parents of children ages 6-12 to use mindfulness and brain science to help reduce anxiety and mood related outbursts. It uses the hornet-brain for the amygdala (fight-or-flight) and hippo-brain for the hippocampus (context and long-term memory). The author is a clinical psychologist who has lots of ideas to help parents develop a home routine that promotes calm and peace of mind. I am including it in one of our Family Resource Packs we loan to families. There are some cute worksheets that could be adapted for a small emotion or self-regulation counseling group. Check out the author's website hornets-and-hippos for a few free worksheet based on the workbook.

Tomorrow is Children's Mental Health Awareness Day

Counselors please spread the work that 1 in 5 children in our country have a mental health challenge requiring assistance. If 20% of our children have this challenge, it is obvious that we need more elementary counselors. Children can "get better" with early intervention and without it their future can be a life of chronic mental illness. The national PTA has a powerful position statement on this you might want to share with your own PTA Position-Statement-Early-Identification-and-Interventions-for-Children-with-Mental-Health-Needs

Tips to Handle Stress

These are the tips I send home to parents after my emotion management groups in grades 3-5.  We want parents to reinforce the skills we teach in our groups. I also send home the packet of activities the students have done with me in group. In grade 3 we read 7 different books and I send the title and author home in case parents want to reread the book to their child. For students with anxiety, giving parents tools is a must for the child to develop new ways of responding to unhelpful thoughts and uncomfortable feelings. I ALWAYS talk to parents about how important good food, regular sleep, and plenty of fresh air and exercise are for students who are stressed. 

These are also good tools for self-care which is so important for school counselors as testing season heats up and the end of the school year looms.

Emotion Management Group Grade 1

A high need in my school is support for students with anxiety, unfortunately even as young as first grade. Research has shown the sooner children with anxiety begin to learn tools to self regulate the better. Research continues to indicate that Cognitive Behavioral approaches and Mindfulness are effective in reducing anxiety. Using children's literature to teach strategies and normalize the fact that many children have anxiety in the primary grades is also effective. I have developed an Emotion Management group curriculum for grades 1-5. Many of the same skills are taught at each level but with increased complexity.  I think it is critical that the focus be on skill development and that parents and teachers know what skills are taught in group. Before each group I put together a packet for the 8 sessions. Each handout has the image of the book we shared and a simple explanation of the skill and activity. It really helps students see that the group is structured and how far along they are each session. If group gets cancelled one week for a special activity or schedule change, they know we will keep meeting until we complete the 8 sessions. I communicate with parents at least 3 times during a group (beginning, middle, and end). Parents give very positive feedback about the packet of work coming home at the end and being able to reinforce the skills taught in group.

My goal is to serve as many students as possible and avoid a large number of students being referred for individual counseling. Most children like the group and support one another; however, there are some children with social anxiety that can't yet speak in a group so I may see them individually one year with the hope of them doing a group at the next grade level. I always collect perception data for these groups with a simple pre-post survey. I do NOT send these home rather I use them to evaluate the effectiveness of the groups and what needs to be revised.

Growing Readers in a World of Screens

Reading is key to being a life-long learner. Part of our school counseling program mission statement is "By collaborating with staff, families, and community members, the school counseling program prepares all students to be successful lifelong learners, effective problem solvers, and responsible global citizens in a changing society." We are currently doing a book share with staff and parents using this book tapclickread. This book provides educators and families with an evidence-based guide to positive use of children's digital media. I read it over winter break and feel it is a very worthwhile resource to clarify our vision of literacy in the current digital age. It discusses more than just literacy, it addresses executive functioning, and interactions between children and the adults in their lives. The authors emphasize children need both the motivation to read and learn and the habits of mind that enable the focused work that comes with building a "reading brain." The book recommends the book a webinar Mind in the Making to learn more about seven essential executive function skills youtube.com We are hoping to have one of the authors of Tap, Click, Read to our school this spring to discuss this book.

Back to School: Part 1 - Resources for Parents to Help Children with Anxiety

August means the end of summer vacation and the time to start back to school. Children frequently experience a wide range of emotions about the start of a school year including excitement, worry, and sadness. The emotions about a new school year can start showing weeks before the first day of class. Many parents report an increase in meltdowns and anxious talk at bedtime even before the "Meet Your Teacher" Open House.

I always recommend to parents, that if possible, not to travel just before school opens, instead plan to be in town and attend the Open House and get children back on a school schedule (generally earlier bedtimes than were the norm during summer). Also to try to arrange a play date with a classmate once it is known who will be in each class. We can all appreciate that having a familiar face in class helps with Back-to-School jitters. I remind parents that for children the start of the school year can be highly stressful. It is important that parents express optimism about the new school year and not feed into the child's concern about a certain teacher or classmate. Parents can also role-play with their child to prepare them to greet the teacher at Open House, introduce themselves to students they do not know, etc.

Most children will adjust to a new school year within a month. If after the first month of school a child is reluctant to come in the building on their own or expressing regular concern, I encourage parents to talk to the teacher and myself to see if we can help with the adjustment or discuss if a child may be experiencing serious separation anxiety. The main differences between separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder are the intensity of your child’s fears, and whether these fears keep him or her from normal activities. Children with separation anxiety disorder may become agitated at just the thought of being away from mom or dad, and may complain of sickness to avoid playing with friends or attending school. When symptoms are extreme enough, these anxieties can add up to a disorder that affects approximately 4%-5% of children in the U. S. ages 7 to 11 years. It is less common in teenagers, affecting about 1.3% of American teens. It affects boys and girls equally. If a parent collaborating with the teacher, counselor, and student can't improve a students anxiety a referral may be warranted.

It is very important that parents understand anxiety if they are going to be successful in helping an anxious child. Parents need to work to make an anxious child feel safer not let them avoid the source of anxiety. There are many good books to help parents learn more about anxiety and related concerns. The ones from the past 10 years I recommend are the following:

Helping Your Anxious Child: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents by R. M. Rapee et al. (2008) provides parents a guide for assisting their children in overcoming a variety of worries, fears, and anxieties.

Growing Up Brave: Expert Strategies for Helping Your Child Overcome Fear, Stress, and Anxiety by Donna Pincus (2012) helps parents identify and understand anxiety in their children, outlines effective and convenient parenting techniques for reducing anxiety, and shows parents how to promote bravery for long-term confidence.

Helping Your Child Overcome Separation Anxiety or School Refusal: A Step-by-Step Guide for Parents by Andrew R. Eisen & Linda Engler (2006) helps parents/guardians: a) identify child’s unique safety needs; b) empower child with simple and effective coping skills; c) guide child to better sleep and regular school attendance; and d) monitor progress.

Overcoming School Anxiety: How to Help Your Child Deal with Separation, Tests, Homework, Bullies, Math Phobia, and Other Worries by Diane Peters Mayer (2008) shows parents how to deal with a wide variety of problems, from test and homework anxiety, to bullying, and fear of speaking up in class. Mayer also offers easy-to-learn techniques for children including breathing and relaxation exercises, focusing techniques, and tips on proper diet and exercise that help relieve stress.

Freeing Your Child from Anxiety, Revised and Updated Edition: Practical Strategies to Overcome Fears, Worries, and Phobias and Be Prepared for Life--from Toddlers to Teens (2014) explains some of the ways they "help" actually makes children more anxious. The book explains how parents and children can work TOGETHER against the anxiety.

Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents by Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons (2013) offers an effective approach to help children and teens push through their fears, worries, and phobias to ultimately become more resilient, independent, and happy.

Why Smart Kids Worry: And What Parents Can Do to Help by Allison Edwards (2013) guides parents through the mental and emotional process of where a child's fears come from and why they are so hard to move past. Edwards focuses on how to parent a child who is both smart and anxious.

Your Anxious Child: How Parents and Teachers Can Relieve Anxiety in Children 2nd Edition (2016) by John Dacey, Martha D. Mack, Lisa B. Fiore (Author) designed to help parents, teachers, and counselors support young people suffering from anxiety. Offers an array of innovative strategies organized into the authors’ four-step “COPE” program. Each strategy is accompanied by a set of activities contextualized with full details of the appropriate age level, materials needed, suggested setting, and a template script.

There are several good web sites that offer advice to parents regarding anxiety. These have good free resources for parents childanxiety.net and anxietybc.com and worrywisekids.org

Future posts will focus on resources for counselors, teachers, and children to develop a helpful approach to anxiety.

Help Your Anxious Child: Tips from a Child Therapist

This child therapist specializes in helping parents whose children have excessive anxiety and/or OCD. I recommend her website anxioustoddlers.com to parents frequently. She makes it clear that parents should not over accommodate  anxiety behaviors and let children avoid challenges like sleeping in own room or going to school. She cautions parents that getting frustrated and asking them to something they clearly are not ready to handle like a sleepover party are the two extreme parenting styles. She has some simple practical suggestions for a balanced approach for parents to use in coaching children to "crush" anxiety. She starts by telling parents to discuss anxiety with the child and give it a name to externalize it and keep it from eroding the child's self-esteem. That is where I usually begin when doing individual counseling with students who have too much anxiety. She has some great articles and has published two books, This video addresses a question I get every week as a school counselor,"How can I help my anxious child?"

National Children's Mental Health Day

We need to model talking openly and respectfully about mental health challenges to help end the stigma and encourage those with a mental health disorder to seek treatment. For many mental disorders recovery is possible. As counselors we need to send a message of hope to those who are suffering!

Anxiety and Depression: Consulting with Teachers

Our district is requiring all staff to go to mental health first aid training to help prepare them to deal with mental illness. Since the most common mental illnesses in elementary school are anxiety and depression, this is a resource I have available for my teachers. In Anxiety and Depression in the Classroom: A Teacher’s Guide to Fostering Self-Regulation in Young Students, Nadja Reilly explains the impact of anxiety and depression and other mental health issues in children. She provides suggestions to build resilience and teach self-regulation in order to help kids to succeed in school and beyond.

Self-regulation, fun, and play activities are natural ways to relieve stress and worry and recharge energy. Reilly discusses how to teach students deep-breathing exercises and various ways to understand their bodies. The book provides detailed instructions for educators who teach children in grades K-5. Reilly lists materials needed, gives step-by-step instructions, and offers variations to accommodate specific needs.

As Reilly explains, the teacher can encourage students to come up with funny or silly names for these sensations to make them less threatening. The class comes together to come up with ideas for decreasing these body sensations, such as deep breathing. The book also provides a chapter on communicating with parents to promote teacher-parent collaboration and assist families with kids who are struggling. For use both in the classroom and with parents of school-aged children, this is a book school counselors may want to purchase and loan out to teachers.

Teaching Life Skills to Children and Teens with ADHD

Teaching Life Skills to Children and Teens With ADHD (2016) describes the Life Skills Program created by author Vincent J. Monastra at his ADHD clinic. It features practical strategies for helping children and teens develop essential life skills at home, school, or in a support group setting.
Some of these skills include:
Engaging others in conversations
Seeking out confidence-building experiences
Responding appropriately to teasing
Establishing friendships and social networks
Trying group activities to avoid isolation
Developing healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits
Solving problems and getting organized
Showing sensitivity to others' emotions
Each chapter includes exercises to help  teach, model, and guide children in trying out these skills. Interactive checklists, quizzes, and guided journal entries are provided as tools for reflection and for engaging children and teens in ways that are interesting and fun. I particularly like the Life Lesson "Kindness is Contagious" which fits in perfectly with my theme for February. This guide gives a counselor good activities to use in small groups. There are 12 life lessons that could easily be the format for a small tier 2 group. I have used many of the activities with individuals. The guide is a resource I recommend to most of the parents of my upper grade students who are identified as ADHD.

The WorryWoo series helps children in grades 1-3 understand emotions and how to cope with them. Andi Green created the charming WorryWoo monsters and has a web site with free lesson plans worrywoos.com/ I use the books in small tier 2 groups aimed at emotional and self regulation. The students love them! My favorite is Don't Feed the Worry Bug so I was excited to find that Green had teamed up with Dr. John to offer advice to parents on how to help children manage feelings.

I first purchased Helping Young Worriers Beat the WorryBug: A Practical and Fun-filled Guide of Therapeutic Ideas and Activities, a practical, 41 page guide designed to support anyone interested in helping children thrive emotionally. Written by Australian Child-psychologist Dr. John Irvine and illustrated by Andi Green, this guide helps children and their parents evaluate, understand and beat the WorryBug. This booklet focuses on anxiety which is the top referral reason at my school. The first part explains anxiety, then Dr. John explains how mindfulness and thought beating coupled with games and activities can reduce the WorryBug with positive and engaging strategies for children. It contains lots of great ideas to suggest to parents of the children in my groups. He has a very helpful "Corner" on the WorryWoos web page like this one on "The Amygdala HiJack" amygdala-hi-jack He has  written booklets to accompany each of the WorryWoo books.

Family Resource Packs

In the counseling office we have over 60 of these Family Resource Packs that were created by the counselors or other student services staff at my school. The one pictured is on adoption. We keep track of common issues parents consult with us about and if it becomes a frequent topic we develop a resource pack that includes a binder with an overview, lists and copies of good articles, web sites/blogs on the topic, and Apps. When appropriate we include ideas for activities that promote a parent - child exchange about the topic. All the packs contain at least one book for parents to read and one for the students. There is an evaluation form for parents and one for students in each pack. We ask parents to return them in 2 weeks. we track the sign outs and submit an evaluation of this effort every few years to the Counseling Advisory Committee.

For some of the topics we develop a primary and upper elementary pack (e.g., anger). For some we have several packs because they represent slightly different issues and need different strategies and books. We have multiple packs for anxiety: Anxiety (general), Anxiety (primary), Anxiety (separation), Anxiety (upper), Social anxiety, Perfectionism, and Selective Mutism. 

These resources save many hours each quarter - we are not repeating the same information to parents. Our learning community has very educated parents but reading is not everyone's preferred learning mode. We have to be respectful that this resource is not going to help all parents. We began this initiative by writing a mini grant with our PTA. It took close to 5 years to develop the 60+ packs we have now. We originally developed 5-8 a year and now usually add 1-2 and update the resources in 5 a year.

Explain Anxiety to Students Who Have Too Much

This book by Dr. & Mr. Zelinger (revised in 2014) explains using a dinosaur what is happening when anxiety becomes a problem. It is my go to book when the clinic staff refer a child to me because they are not physically sick but feel too anxious to return to class. It explains the link between the 

Children will be left with an understanding of “anxiety” consistent with their various developmental levels. Something I highlight when using this book in individual and groups sessions is the use of an on-off switch to depict the sympathetic nervous system that is carried throughout the book -- from the dinosaurs to the child who is working on the rhymes to train his or her brain. I give the student(s) a copy of the summary of the rhymes as a reminder of the strategies we have discussed. The book handles the topic in detail so I generally break it up into two or three sessions with students depending on their ability to pay attention and retain the key points.

I loan this book to parents (in one of our Family Resource Packs) so they will have the tools they need to discuss and explain anxiety issues to their children. Reading and re-reading this book with children will demystify anxiety, and provide families with the understanding needed to manage these uncomfortable emotions. 

Working With Parents of Anxious Children

Anxiety symptoms are one of the top reasons parents at my school seek my advice. Working with parents of anxious children often requires unpacking problematic parenting behaviors like feeding avoidance. This book covers overprotection, intrusiveness, poor communication, and poor contingency management. It gives counselors strategies to support good communication and emotion-regulation strategies. The techniques recommended draw from cognitive behavioral therapy, as well as acceptance-based and mindfulness therapies. McCurry (2015) has provided school counselors with a valuable resource.