National Adoption Awareness Month

As school counselors we need to be very aware of adoption and how children process being adopted at various developmental levels stages We also need to educate our staff in the use of positive adoption language. This article does a good job explaining the preferred terminology my-forever-family My go to resource and referral agency is The Center for Adoption Support and Education (CASE) adoptionsupport.org My children are both adopted and I sent our oldest to CASE for a group in the upper elementary years. It was very helpful for her to be with other children who were adopted and share stories and learn strategies. I have run groups for adopted children at both the school. I have worked at but generally there are not enough children in a single grade level to offer an in-school group.

Family Resource Packs

In the counseling office we have over 60 of these Family Resource Packs that were created by the counselors or other student services staff at my school. The one pictured is on adoption. We keep track of common issues parents consult with us about and if it becomes a frequent topic we develop a resource pack that includes a binder with an overview, lists and copies of good articles, web sites/blogs on the topic, and Apps. When appropriate we include ideas for activities that promote a parent - child exchange about the topic. All the packs contain at least one book for parents to read and one for the students. There is an evaluation form for parents and one for students in each pack. We ask parents to return them in 2 weeks. we track the sign outs and submit an evaluation of this effort every few years to the Counseling Advisory Committee.

For some of the topics we develop a primary and upper elementary pack (e.g., anger). For some we have several packs because they represent slightly different issues and need different strategies and books. We have multiple packs for anxiety: Anxiety (general), Anxiety (primary), Anxiety (separation), Anxiety (upper), Social anxiety, Perfectionism, and Selective Mutism. 

These resources save many hours each quarter - we are not repeating the same information to parents. Our learning community has very educated parents but reading is not everyone's preferred learning mode. We have to be respectful that this resource is not going to help all parents. We began this initiative by writing a mini grant with our PTA. It took close to 5 years to develop the 60+ packs we have now. We originally developed 5-8 a year and now usually add 1-2 and update the resources in 5 a year.

Adoption Issues

Approximately 2% of children in the United States are adopted. Families built by adoption appreciate when school's use positive adoption language http://www.holt/language.shtml. Generally Preschool to First Graders feel special and positive about being adopted. Beginning in second grade children understand the loss part of the adoption triad. It is not uncommon for children ages 7 and up to have ambivalent feelings around their birthday. Nancy Verrier says in The Primal Wound of the child adopted at birth, “There seems to be an anniversary reaction (also felt by the birth mother), which sends many adoptees into despair around their birthdays… is it any wonder that many adoptees sabotage their birthday parties? Why would one want to celebrate the day they were separated from their birth mothers? The adoptees, of course, have probably never really understood, themselves, why they do this.” As a school counselor it is important to be knowledgeable about adoption. Counselors can also help teachers be sensitive about adoption  adoption/adopt-parenting/school/teachers/

Adoption - National Birthmother's Day and Mother's Day

Some schools go all out for for Mother's Day without thinking about the negative impact it may have on students who have lost a mother through death, divorce, or a birth mother that are adopted. I have had students sent to me sobbing during the lead up to Mother's Day because a well-meaning music teacher decided to teach some songs about mothers. That student's mother had died a few years before but the music teacher "forgot." Mother's Day is often a nightmare for two-dad families. The Saturday before Mother's Day in National Birthmother's Day families/remember-began-national-birth-mothers-day/  Other families built by adoption celebrate the birth mother and adoptive mother on Mother's Day adoptivefamilies.com/parenting/honoring-birth-mothers/ I always encourage staff to think about what they are asking children to do related to mother's day and understand that for some children this is a reminder of a loss not a happy day.  

Bulletin Board for National Adoption Month

Adoption is often symbolized as a triangle to represent the child, birth family, and adoptive family.  Our bulletin board (constructed by my wonderful parent volunteer) shows the 3 sides joined in love.  Surrounding the board are some of my favorite books on adoption that are listed on the children's book page of this website.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month

Both of my own children are adopted so I relate to this image. We also have many adopted children in my school that I work closely with their families. I also consult with teachers about how to address adoption with their students. For example, we have a new program in our school where Spanish is taught 3 times a week to all students.  They have a big unit on families and require students to do family trees for homework.  This type of assignment is often a trigger for adoptive families.  I encouraged them to teach more inclusive family terms and provide an alternative assignment if students felt uncomfortable with doing a family tree.  For resources to use in schools go to childwelfare.gov/adoption/adopt_parenting/school/teachers.cfm