Friendship Issue

Pirate, Viking & Scientist by J. Chapman is a perfect book for a small friendship group in grades 2-5 or a classroom lesson. The book deals with a very common problem of a child who has 2 friends but the friends do not get along with each other. I am sure every elementary counselor has a discussion about this issue multiple times each year. The book also reviews the scientific method and has great vocabulary which makes it useful to reinforce academics as well as social emotional learning. I highly recommend purchasing a copy for your program but if you do not have a budget it is read aloud on YouTube.

Small Group Counseling Tips

I am getting ready to present at the KSCA Conference on my favorite topic, small group counseling, so I thought I'd share a few of the slides from my presentation and explain what is included on each. My part-time counselor and I decided last Spring to really get our groups organized, clearly delineate the competencies we want to cover on each of our main topics (social skills, self regulation, emotion regulation, and flexible thinking). Once we agreed on the competencies we reviewed all the evidence based materials and practices for each. In the area of social skills we pulled from a number of good resources (many of which I have reviewed in previous posts) and then also tried to incorporate a picture book for each session in our K-3 groups. We are fortunate to own literally thousands pf children's books. We wanted to assign a book to a specific session and not reuse them in any other group. It is common to address the same competencies from year to year like how to give a compliment but we wanted to use a different book at each grade level and build on the student response required. We have also discovered that just telling students a number (this group will be 8 sessions) is not a strong enough organizer, we like an overview "session map" that the students can see where they are in the sequence so they no there are x number of sessions remaining and what is covered in each session.  For all our small groups we have an activity or response sheet for each session and on these sheets we put a small image of the book at the top. We include a brief description of what was read and taught in the session. St the end of the group these booklets go home and parents know exactly what we covered in the group. Many parents get the books from the library and reread them with their child to remind them of skills that they still need to practice. We have gotten excellent feedback on these booklets from families. Some students will save them and tell us the next year, "I still have the book I made with you." On the slides above I have provided the name of each book we use by session and one of the same pages from our booklets for that grade level. We run so many social skills for kindergarten we have two curriculum - learning how to make and be a friend is a critical life lesson for our young learners. I know some counselors send home the sheets the same day a group meets, but we found that many never made it home but when the booklets get sent home they do make it.

The Fruit Salad Friend

I use several books by Maria Dismondy so I was happy to get her latest release. A girl who always loved school noticed peers were no longer being kind. After struggling for a few days trying her usual strategies, she decides to look at relationships differently. This is a great book for girls in grade 2 and 3 struggling with "tricky" peers who are sometimes friends and sometimes mean. It points out that a smile can win over people. The book includes 10 tips for parents to help promote prosocial skills written by Dr. Michele Borba the author of Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kinds Succeed. I have already used this in a small friendship group in grade 3 and know this will become a favorite on my bookshelf.

Icebreaker with a purpose

We are starting our second round of groups this week. Our part-time counselor and I will be running 22 groups. Our part-time counselor is only here one day a week. On that day she runs 6 groups. We have worked together for a long time so we share the planning of the groups. We put together booklets ahead of time so everything is preplanned. We can change an activity if we find something better or more appropriate but out students like knowing what is in store for the 8 sessions and it keeps us organized. 

For our social skills friendship groups we First Steps for Social Success for round one of groups and now we are using Next Steps to Social Success four round two. Both these books from youthlight have 4 sections so we can select the lesson for each grade level we think best fits. We add icebreakers, books, and other tried and true activities that build friendship skills and handle social challenges. It is nice to have a well developed resource to serve as the basis of our groups.

To get our groups in grades 2-5 started we start with introductions since we pull students from 4 classes at each grade level and this helps cement names and then we do this dice game to practice initiating conversations in a nonthreatening way. The members simply roll the dice and what ever number is on top they say the members name and ask one of the two questions. We do it for 2-3 rounds and the students like it because it has clear procedures and structure so even if they are shy or hesitant in new situations they participate. It is important to do nonthreatening activities in this initial forming stage of a group. The dice can be easily cleaned so it has fewer germs for the next group!

Puzzle Pals

We get a large number of referrals for friendship groups in kindergarten. I have not found an evidence based curriculum I think meets the needs of my students so I put together a group we call "Puzzle Pals". I pulled most of the skills from Second Step which we use for Tier 1 and utilize some of the materials from the Early Learning Second Step kit as well. Over the years I have settled on the 8 skills listed in the puzzle outline above. I use the Second Step listening rules as the group rules which we sing to start the first 3 sessions. I have students rate themselves at the end of each session if they followed the rules or  oops I need to practice! We cover one skill a session.  For most of the session we read a book, practice the skill, and do a page in the activity booklet I make ahead. For example, for session 1 I read Say Hello by Jack & Michael Foreman and greet one another. At the end they draw a picture of themselves saying "Hi." The last session they get to do my Moods & Emotions puzzles I purchased from lakeshorelearning. They cannot race or say "I am done" which does not come across as polite and kind, instead I model encouraging language and compliments. When they finish a puzzle they use the feeling in an I sentence and share a time they had that feeling with the group (e.g., I felt silly when my sister told me a joke.) 

I have evaluated the group using pre-post parent and teacher surveys and the results always indicate the members have improved their social skills over the course of the group. These results also reflect that the children have been in school longer and are getting more comfortable in the learning environment. The group seems to be most effective with 6 members from 2-3 different kindergarten classes. This allows them to practice the skills with other children they do not know as well but for shy students having at least one member from their own class keeps their initial uneasiness at a manageable level.

Social Skills Groups

I started small groups this week. For my first and second grade social skills group I am using First Steps to Social Success by Diane Senn. There are 25 lessons so I pick 8 lessons for each grade level two from each of the 4 topics covered:

• Knowing Myself First
• Initiating with Others
• Learning Conversation Skills
• Reading Social Cues: Seeing, Thinking, Doing

For my third and fourth grade I use Senn's Next Steps to Social Success. These resources have good pre-post tests and handout too. I select lessons from the featured topics in Next Steps:

• Building Friendships
• Managing Friendships
• Handling Friendship Problems
• Social Skills in the Classroom

You could use lessons from both books but I am using them at different grade levels and tracking which lesson I have used. I may need to do a second group later in the year for some of the students and there are still plenty of lesson left. 

youthlight.com/

Books for Counseling

Stephanie Jensen (author) and Dr. Poppy Moon (illustrator) have teamed up with youthlight.com to make these engaging books that you will want on your bookshelf. Bully-bee encourages a friendly attitude, Beezilla teaches acceptance and belonging, and Mood Ring Rainbow shows the importance of self-awareness and self-management. I use them in small groups with first and second graders but the books are large enough that they could be used in classroom lessons.

Understanding Bragging

Frequently fourth graders like to brag and put down peers. Julia Cook's book. "Well I Can Top That" really gets across how this habit can be a real turn off to friends. In the session members sort statements into bragging and not bragging piles. After reading and discussing the key points in the book, each member thinks about the message of the book and applies it to a personal situation.

Guest Editor Post: Image-Based Life Lessons

Hello all! My name is Eric Cooper and I am glad for the opportunity to guest post on the Elementary Counseling Blog. I recently published a book called Image-Based Life Lessons (YouthLight, Inc.) and would like to share one of the lessons with you here.

“My Connectors” is a friendship lesson that would make a great beginning-of-the-year activity in most grades. In the childhood years, it seems that most good friendships are built upon enjoying to do the same things together. When two kids discover that they both love making bracelets, playing football, or riding longboards, they instantly feel more comfortable around each other and they have something to do together that will grow the friendship. Therefore, the main objective for a child who wants to make new friends is to first figure out what his or her own connectors are, and then find others with the same connectors.

This lesson, along with the others in the book, is presented in a highly-visual and engaging way that helps kids easily understand and conceptualize the issue, and makes the concept stick in their memories. Each of the lessons in the book stemmed from moments in my work with children when I was struggling to find a way to communicate an important principle to a particular child, and suddenly the right idea popped into my mind. I have found that analogies, visuals, and stories are powerful tools for school counselors. Topics in the book include mindset, peer pressure, bullying, anger and self-control, self-concept and more.

You can find a link for the book here. https://youthlight.com/I hope you find these resources useful!

Favorite Author

If you are expanding your library for books to use in classroom lessons and small groups, I would recommend all or Maria Dismondy's books.  She really understands common issues children face including diversity, problem solving, self-esteem, and bullying behavior. Her books promote pro-social skills like kindness and other character traits. I use them in grades 1-3.  To learn more about her work check out her website http://mariadismondy.com

4 Square Apology

In Zach Apologizes, when Zach shoves his little brother to the floor, he knows he did something wrong. Even so, it's hard to apologize - especially when he feels Alex kind of deserved it! With his mom's help, Zach learns the "four-square" apology: (1) say what you did; (2) say how it made the other person feel; (3) say what you could have done instead; and (4) make it up to the person. I made a simple form like the one in the book to have my group members complete about a situation when they needed to apologize. Above is a kindergarten child's four square apology.  I like this model because it addresses empathy in step 2. This fits very nicely with the "apology of action" we teach as part of our responsive classroom approach.  

This book is part of the Zach rules series. The other book deals with frustration which I also use. These books are perfect for ages 6-8. There is a Facebook site for the Zach Rules series.

Anchor Charts

Anchor charts are created during the instruction of the lesson or part of a group session. As you present the lesson or strategy, key points are written on chart paper. Once the lesson/session is complete, the chart is saved. This is another vehicle for academic support, especially for the visual learner. The beauty of an anchor chart is that it can be displayed again the next lesson/session. I have anchor charts for each grade level and group. I store them on the easel in my office and use as needed.

For example. the one in the picture is for a session on being assertive in a small group with boys in second grade.  In this group I use a different book for each session from the Shubert series by Conscious Discipline.consciousdiscipline.com/store/pc/Book This is the anchor chart we went through together before reading the book.  It will be available as a review at the beginning of the next session, then as needed as we work on various problem solving skills throughout the group.  Beginning in third grade I would distinguish Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive but this is what I have found most effective for second graders.

The Rainbow Fish - Sharing Leads to Friends

My 3 kindergarten friendship groups all enjoyed the story, got the message of the book/lesson, and loved the activity of making a scale.  Many children know the book so it is easy to reread and stop every few pages to discuss some key points. What is the problem? What kind of attitude (or how was rainbow fish acting) towards the other fish at the beginning? What advise did the wise owl give rainbow fish? How did he feel when he gave away his first scale? (Surprised he was not sad. Sharing makes both the giver and receiver feel happy.) After he gave away all his scales how did he feel? (Better about self, pleased he had so many friends). The shining scales made rainbow fish special.  We all have something special about us we can share with others.  For example, I love growing flowers so I share some of my plants with my neighbors. If you are good at singing, you could teach a friend a song...or a gymnastics trick, or how to play a game. 

Activity: I drew an outline of the rainbow fish on bulletin board paper.  I precut scales out of construction paper. I had some large shiny spangles (Lakeshore) that were left from a previous project. I gave each member one scale to draw something that makes them special they could share with a friend. I gave them each 5 spangles to glue on their scale when they finished their drawing and then they got to glue it onto the rainbow fish.  

I am displaying this in my office until spring break. It would be a cute bulletin board for the hall if the lesson was done whole group. 

Friendship Is Like a Seesaw

I love the title of this book by Innes and Agocs (2014) that discusses how to rebalance friendships.  In a small group on friends a good way to introduce this concept is have each member try to balance a pencil on their fingertips. When there is a unevenness in a friendship the book suggests ways to fix the friendship and others can be suggested depending on the age and levels of the members. I think all elementary counselors will want a copy of this book.

A Bug and a Wish

I was very please when "A Bug and a Wish" by K. Scheuer was published in 2014.  I have taught the Bug and Wish strategy to students for years but it is always nice to have a book that shows how to apply the strategy directly as the stimulus for the session or lesson.  I borrowed the bug cut outs from The Learning Tree idea that is on Pinterest; however, on the wing on the right I had them say what they want the other person to do.  For example, in the book the boy says "It BUGS me when you tease me, and I WISH 

you would stop." I don't read it that way, instead I break it in 3 parts: It BUGS me - when you tease me - I want you to say nice things or don't talk to me." After we read and discuss the book (the illustrations are very expressive of the feelings the characters are experiencing), I give each student a premade bug. On one wing they write "It BUGS me", on the white circle they write a conflict they have, and on the other wing they write the words that say what they want to happen instead.  For example, one of my students wrote "It bugs me when you wreck my legos, and I want you to keep your hands off my legos." I did this activity this quarter with kindergarten students in friendship groups. I think it would fit better with grade 1 students who have a little better writing skills.  I always have the students say their idea out loud first because if it is serious (big deal) problem this is not the right strategy.  For example if they say what bugs them is someone hitting them, we talk about that is something that needs to be reported to an adult.  This strategy is for (little deal) kid size problems.  I hand their bugs in my office until the group ends and then send them home with all the work from the group.  The craft really helps them remember the strategy and they love these cute bugs. When the bugs go home I send a note to parents about the strategy so they can reinforce it at home.  I also share it with teachers.

Recipe for Friendship

One of my favorite lessons on friendship for second grade is based on Williamson's book "What's the Recipe for Friends?"  For the hook, I talk about a recipe they would know like bread or cookies and brainstorm the ingredients. Then I talk about what would happen if I put in something sour or burned the food - it would ruin what was being made. I usually print off a recipe card for the hook. Next we go through a list of characteristics like politeness and bossiness that I have printed on card stock and decide if each is something that should be put into the bowl to "make a friend" or something that needs to stay.  Students love when I use a prop like this bowl for a lesson.  It helps visual learners and for kinesthetic learners you could let them actually put the slips in the bowl or bring a spoon and let a student stir it up. Then I read the story (sometimes I skip over some of the detail because it is a little long).  Afterwards they write a recipe for friendship including ingredients, directions, and a picture of what it would look like if the recipe turned out well. I have been doing this lesson for over 5 years and it ALWAYS turns out great!

Great Book for No Name-Calling Week

I like this book because it is large, bold. and engaging.  In it 2 friends are being teased and subjected to name-calling.  Krosoczka uses a twist on ___ and stones may break our bones, but words will never hurt us.  This is where to stop and discuss the fact that words really do hurt (sometimes more than physical aggression).  At the end, the 2 friends become friends with the crab who was teasing them at the beginning (the treasure). Most students in grades 1 & 2 will understand that some of the teasing and name-calling probably happened because the crab was jealous of the friendship between peanut butter and jellyfish.  There are many ways students could respond to the book.  The could draw and write about their favorite part of the book.  They could put friendship traits onto coins on a handout with a treasure chest.  This book couls also work well in a small group on friendship.